Black and white portrait-style photograph of a bundle of sticks taped together, standing on a platform and casting a dark shadow on the wall behind it.
Mark Hawk, F*ggot, Silver Gelatin Print, 20 x 16 in, 2022
Artist Bio:
At the age of 10, Mark bought his first camera with the money he got from raising a pig in 4-H. Throughout middle school and high school photography was his passion. After graduating he moved from his small town in Arizona to Miami, Florida where he began his career as an esthetician. His love for photography was reignited when he acquired a few film cameras during Covid lockdown. He is now completing his Associate of Arts in Photography from Harold Washington College and plans to transfer to Columbia College or SAIC in the fall.
Artwork Statement:
"Faggot!", they would yell across the school courtyard. No matter how many times I cried my way into the principal's office it didn't end. "Only I can call him that.", my older brother would say. Being different tormented me. I was so naïve when the harassment started that I joke that I never came out, and everyone told ME that I was gay.
So much of my anxiety and depression was rooted in how ostracized I felt in my daily life. It became a weekly ritual- begging at the altar for God to make me "normal." But as I explored the world outside of my conservative upbringing, I realized that hating myself was not normal. Eventually, I was able to find some humor in the pain when strangers shouted slurs from their car windows- "they're insecure in their own sexuality", I'd tell myself as their words burnt into my skin.
Working on this project was a cathartic experience. I gathered these sticks in the places that "faggot" has been screamed at me- alleys, bus stops, in front of schools, churches, and my workplace. Instead of being looked at strangely for just existing, I was being judged for collecting sticks- it made me laugh.
I hope that this work resonates with any person who has ever felt powerless and alone. From the destruction of my innocence, to finally sticking up for myself- this project represents holding myself together through the darkest years of my life.
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